hello again,

friend of a friend! i have avoided posting twice in one day before, but i am unsure if my sanity can hold it together much longer without thinking aloud. well this is not thinking aloud but it is thinking in a way that is different from the normal thinking i have been doing today which is quite lame and very introspective. boooring.

i think my music might be disturbing the neighbors. oh well for them, how am i supposed to control how loud my laptop is? with the volume button? no way. i like loud. i like loud things. loud things rule. if they have a problem they can come and knock on my door, i've been waiting for them and i won't even answer. i don't know if i can keep thinking tangentially right now. i am going to turn off the tv, it is distracting and not at all interesting.

i will start reading my textbook today. that is a good decision. ceiling fan and all. i really wish someone would walk on my back. it is in need of a good cracking. all my joints have felt sore and my body all clumpy ever since i stopped doing yoga. it is hard to get excited about yoga when there is not a hyper chinese lady trying to bend you in ways you shouldn't bend. then there's the threat of physical contact so you try your hardest to do what she says in these instances and end up doing what is expected of a yoga session. by yourself or with the tv and its just like "eh nobody is watching, who cares if i slack a little" and then next thing you know every day is a cheat day and you're on the couch eating bon bons for at least three to four hours.

i need new dress shoes. i need new clothes in general. these clothes have shrunk in the wash too many times. soon it will be painfully obvious regarding my sexual orientation and it won't even be intentional. how terrible!

doodle eh,

fuck that shit, fuck that shit
you know what i mean when i told you i was styling?
i sure as hell don't and i'm not really certain what to do about it
i can't believe i downloaded itunes i don't even use this shit why did i do it
something to do with my phone, i bet it immediately started playing french radio though, oh god french class i really am glad i don't have one of those. i am going to london soon that is exciting and terrifying. i was looking into grad schools some more. i should talk to my advisors about that. i really should. i really wonder what i should focus my research in if i go that route. i really like medieval english literature, but i'm also gaga about the new age writing posted on the internets. the whole nuevo art d'internet fascinates me a little bit.

conor oberst is singing really softly in this song. i recently followed alec baldwin on twitter. i don't advise you to do the same. he is very liberal, i think. very left. i consider myself more left than right, but he makes me very uncomfortable. i think he would be a cool guy to hang out with though. as long as he let me eat meat. if i was a better person i would be a vegetarian, but i'm not a good person so i am omnivorous as usual. one day i want to write an epistolary novel but with forum posts. i wonder if i mentioned that before. i think it would be interesting. just a few threads instead of chapters, and exposing characters via short self-written blurbs rather than many pages of prose and dialogue. i really suck at dialogue, but i think i could pretend to internet as someone else rather easily.

i think this is because when i type i say things i wouldn't say out loud. so it's hard to write things down that i would say aloud. this has always been the most annoying part of writing for me. i don't think i'm really clever when it comes to showing you who people are. maybe i will be one day. i keep second guessing my life choices again. oh well. i'm not really certain why i'm so wishy washy. i am really morose. my dog died a month ago or so. it was very upsetting. she was eight years old, so that's like middle aged for a dog, and in line with everyone else that i know of personally who dies. i'm pretty certain i cried when i held her lifeless body. what a silly thing to do. i received that dog out of pity from my parents after visiting my aunt whose children locked me out of the house during a thunderstorm in the middle of the night simply because i was from a different part of the country. it was really stupid. we were kids. i think i cried then too. my parents martyred themselves as they love to do because i had protested visiting my aunt. i protested because it would be warmer there then it would be at home and i didn't care for her children. oh well, that is life you have to do things you hate. they also promised me a puppy from their pregnant dog but they reneged that.

i think i have told this story before. i am sorry for the rehashing. i constantly re-invent old stories. i think i said that before too. there is a lot of stuff i have said here that i think i repeat.

i am going to go smoke now, maybe i will write more later.