i guess,

if I treated this like a real blog or whatever, instead of a scribbling diary that I'd feel more pride in it. maybe that'd happen anyway. i mean i'm already ditching a bunch of grammar conventions, using contractions, but for some reason i am capitalizing I but not always. you know me, forever inconsistent. i think that's a good thing though. you don't want a boring old stick in the mud whom you can rely on.

it would have been cool to be a jazz singer. that's impossible though. i have a terrible voice. i really need a haircut, it covers my eyes now and if it gets much longer i might have to ponytail it. ugh that would be the worst thing ever. most remember to get it cut. but i don't want to go to the guy down by the river kwai because he's been cutting hair for over seventy years. think about that shit for a minute, seven-zero fucking years. he's older than most people i know, motherfucker lived through doubleyoudoubleyoutwo. that was the big'un. right? wasn't it? i don't remember which war killed more people. i was a terrible history student.

why are wars so important in history courses? that's so lame. you're taught in other classes how detestable violence and all that is, then you go to history and BAM blood in the name of revolution and freedom is good. i guess it's better than in the name of subjugation and autocracy, but whatever, man. life's like a gentle breeze, man. i don't know where i'm going with this whole history tangent, but it's certainly not a huge concern. i was always terrible at history class is the main point. and i don't want my hair cut by anyone who's lived through a 'world war' that's just insane. i used to go to that old fucker all the time to get my haircut.

one time, the first time my parents sent me to get a haircut alone, as in, the first time i was sent to do something by myself. (this later lead to stuff like getting groceries, etc.) anyways, me complaining about chores aside, i got halfway there and just wandered through town for a while, because i didn't want to go to the guy. then i went home and told my parents i got lost. which is a fucking dumb excuse, because honestly, if i was lost how the hell did i figure out how to get home? i could have just easily gone to the barber and come home if i found my way, right? the point of this tale is that to this day, my mother criticizes my sense of direction based on that one lie. i don't know how a grown woman couldn't tell a precocious preteen was lying, but we'll leave that for another day.

guh guh guh, gulla gulla island or something south carolina binya binya. i don't remember, i don't care. keep on keepin' you. i don't know what to think anymore, what to do anymore. there's too much to think, you know? of course you know, you're a smart young lad. or laddess. i don't know. do women ever truly exist outside of the bedroom? if i was making one of those ever so clever sexist jokes i would have said kitchen and something involving sandwiches. apparently all men like to eat are sandwiches. well, i will tell you right now sandwiches are only okay. they are not worth all the fuss, honestly. they are delicious sometimes, but not all the time. and fuck pb&j. the food, not the band. i love peter, bjorn & john. well kind of anyway. they were really great when they opened for depeche mode. i really should visit nyc before i go. i should visit some of my good ole buddy ole pals. i should, i might. but alas, will that happen? probably. maybe. kind of. i wouldn't rule it out quite yet.

man, it really sucks that my dog died. every now and then i realize she's dead and i'm just like "wow." its been nearly two months now though. i don't know why i'm continually surprised when it pops up. my sister's ninety year old yorkshire terrier that routinely smells like shit, vomits, and barks at everything is still alive though. god i hate that dog. hated it since my aunt taught it to attack me (and black folks). i mean really training a dog to be racist? that's racist. she also has the most annoying voice ever. also her fucking jaw broke in half and is held in place by a wire. but god my dog is the one to kick the bucket? man, that sucked. definitely felt that more than any family member's death. probably because whether or not said family members paid me any mind had a laundry list of conditions, what i'm saying unconditional love is pretty stellar from animals. those stupid things. you give me food? ok i love you. that's how life should be.

bread winners and bacon tablers should get top dollar. well, i guess they already are getting top dollar over those who aren't. unemployment, obama care, republican, debt ceiling, S&P, triple A rating, rupert murdoch, riots, pies in the face, heat wave, rubber bullet, tornadoes, lockouts, sports, norway, oslo, crazy christians, religion, muslims, osama bin laden. what? oh yeah. people suck. well, to be fair, EVERYTHING sucks. and blows, really. both at once most of the time. but if life didn't suck, what would there be to complain about? that's that, and that's all there is to it, really.

i think i'll have more coherent posts when i go overseas. then i'll have stuff to to talk about, other than f2p korean mmos to keep me busy. i should be reading, i guess, but i'll be damned if mel brooks.

gotta catch n release 'em all

man, i can't sleep tonight. it's nearly four a.m. that's not good. i have stuff to do this evening. important stuff.
stuff i should be awake for. but i can't sleep. it really sucks. my sleep schedule has been kicking my ass lately. i don't know what's wrong. i think maybe i need a cigarette and a glass of water. maybe that will put my head on straight.

i fly out to london soon. exciting times. good time to be alive. hopefully the whole owing hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt will be worth this fucking degree, eh? i used to think i'd like grad school, but that's so unrealistic. probably go into grad school for my master's and gtfo, and only because that's a 2 for 1 deal, and if i play my cards right i may be able to avoid 90% of tuition. (i'll skip my GREs at least) oh well.

i hate planning my life out! measured precisely and set to complicate. it's weird to see stars outside. i am not used to such things. i never did starting reading my textbook. i suppose staying up at night that'd be the thing to do. it'd probably put me to sleep at least.

i hate the night. especially when i'm left alone. then all i can do is think. thinking is a terrible thing. i think i've said that before. think thought thunk. ah well. time to distract myself some more doing something else. i lost myself here. i like wearing bath robes.